Feel the grief

You never understand pain until you feel it

you never really feel other peoples pain

or really sympathise with them

nor put yourself in their shoes when you don’t just understand

until now i have considered myself somewhat of a strong person

i hardly cry and would never shed a tear for something less trivial

okay, maybe that’s a lie

i cry, i cry a lot

but then you never know some sort of pain until you connect with it

if you consider yourself emotionally strong

well here’s a series for you ‘This is us’

Related image

i first heard about this series on someones snap and couldn’t help but check it out

It recounts the story of a couple expecting triplets who lost one of the them and adopted another baby.

now am not going to give you spoilers here but, this i can say – every episode shows an emotional moment they brings you back to reality as you connect with these scenes. The first Season which began last year has 18 episodes and the season 2 is already scheduled for the 26th of September.

So check it out -you never know grief till you feel it

With love

Temi_sarita

x

GraTITude

It feels so easy for people to wake up  and start asking

why don’t i have it yet?

i need this now!

i don’t have this and that

why is my life the same?

but then we forget

to count our blessings and recognise the value of what we already have

okay

so you want a car, a house maybe and all that life’s luxury

but then again

you woke up today didn’t you?

this brings me back to quote i came across from Amanda Torroni’s book which i haven’t read yet titled ‘stargazing at noon’

“remember yesterday when you swore you wouldn’t make it through you woke up this morning didn’t you”
yeah you woke up this morning didn’t you.
I don’t want to be a little cliche here but when there’s life there’s hope. you might not have everything you desire but be grateful for what you have.
in other news i figured i haven’t shared any songs lately but as you get on with your days activities why dont you plug on this one from Soule titled goodlife

enjoy!!

With love
Temi_sarita
x

Self-respect

Everyday I wake up I can feel a part of my being moving away,

I can feel that something is taken away gradually from me.

I am slipping away,

myself, my body, my being.

I am losing myself into someone or something that

I feel that i have no control of anything.

I want you so bad that sometimes i feel that i can do anything for you

I need that possession so badly that i feel that i can leave anything for it

It feels so horrible when you find yourself in a situation when

you cannot no longer control your own thoughts

your own actions

when you want to make a decision

and you cannot do it alone

when you put someone else before you

when you are second and even third place in things that matter to your life.

Well,

Hello there,

I am self-respect and those who lose me experience these things

They lose themselves into other experiences

They do things for people to please them

They do things for people for what they can get from them

or what they feel things people can do for them

they take advantage of people and

they are taken advantage of

they are not in control of their thoughts nor actions

what they previously considered as colours then become black and white

they gradually become deceived into thinking the things they loved

Continue reading “Self-respect”

F.I.N.E

I was watching one of Ralph smart’s videos on YouTube, an amasing guy with so much energy. i’ll insert a link to his page at the end. But then, something he said .

Fine- Fedup, Insecure, Emotional and Neurotic

got me thinking. when we say ‘i am fine’ do we really mean it. Fine has become that universal thing we say even when, deep down, we are suffering or we are in pain.

So here’s a little Piece titled fine

It’s bright and early day, or atleast that what my mind tells me.

I get up because, i have to work but then, i can still feel my bed calling back at me

but no i must work because, i have too

My mother calls and says -hey dear, how are you?

I quickly say -fine

yes, i am fine

I would not want her to worry about me even when i feel the pain burning so deep down my heart

I say fine because its the easier alternative

Yes, i am fine mother

I go to work, actually running, trying to catch the bus

but still i miss it, like i always do

and i have to wait long till another comes by

how bad can my day go

Then it starts raining

oops spoke too soon

it starts raining heavily and i become drenched with water

how do i even turn up at work looking like this?

within my thoughts the bus comes and i rush in

then again there’s traffic on the road it appears that this is the time that the major road construction taking place

oh well

i was in the bus for a good 30 minutes before i was able to make it out.

At this point considering am already 10 minutes late i was pleased that my clothes where almost try.

then as i try to cross the road to my office

I bump into a woman carrying her coffee and it splits all over me.

she quickly apologised

OMG… are you okay? am so sorry

and i said

its okay am fine.

there i go again saying fine but what else could i say

of course i was fine

i was fine but

Continue reading “F.I.N.E”

Patience or foolishness

You work me up so much,

sometimes, I feel like am under a spell

Under your spell

I spell that can never be broken

(sigh…)

So, I have to live with it

You are harsh with your words

As they cut into my being

so deeply

I have believed so much in you

That sometimes, I feel

I have no other faith in anyone

because I gave all my trust to you

I complain to my people about your cruelty

and they tell about actions I cannot implement

they tell me to

Hate you

Detest you

Hurt you back

but, I am too good

I cannot hate you

Nor hurt even I strand of your hair

then they call me ‘goody too shoes’

they call me stupid

they call me stupid but am just patience

and here

I am asking myself

what limit is my stupidity

how long can I bear so much hurt

how long will I take the neglect

I stare into the waters

and see as the wind moves the waters and replaces it with fresh ones

and I wish you can be washed away from my mind

sometimes more like I never meet you

but hey

am glad I did

you are a lesson

but for today you are now somebody I use to know

 

With love

Temi_Sarita

x

Ego

I am proud

yes, i am very proud

If i give you rules, you take them as commandments

you live by them and you worship them like a deity

If i tell you to do something, you better take it seriously and do it

I think am better than anybody and everyone

you do something for me, i have to cross-check

analyse, verify

until i take it as the best or at least decent quality

i am picky and i trust no one

do i even trust myself?

I have trust issues, if you disappoint me once

i will never believe you again

okay maybe i would

if my level of trust is on a scale of 1 to 10

for you every single time you disappoint me

you drop gradually down the scale

yes and if you do something that breaks me mentally

i may never believe you again

distance is what i will keep between us

when i walk, i walk straight and tall because any and every other person is not up to my standard

i like my voice been heard and if i see that you are competing with me for the spotlight

you become my enemy and i need to take you down and be in another thing

who are you to share the same limelight with me

i don’t believe in sharing, sharing are for peasants

i am not one of those

i am who i am,

do not deceive me

stay in your own lane

mind your business

Continue reading “Ego”

Come back love

I have felt for the longest time

that i needed you

you have been my strength and yet my weakness

I have been hurt, bruised, and left wallowing in self pity

I fear the slightest thought of losing you

you have become my energy

my sun

my moon

my life

you are the water i drink, the food i eat, the breathe i take

you are life itself

the smell of spring always brings so much memories because it was the time me meet

the time you took me to that cottage of yours and i smelt what fresh mahogany crafted into furniture smelt like

anytime i walk through anywhere i feel you presence in my life

your skin

your soft skin

and your sweat or the smell of your sweat was like a strong strength

anytime i think of the times you will embrace me

with your sweat dripping down your face and touches my check

i would close my eyes, tilt my head and let it pass through my lips

oh my warrior

my prince

my source of life

where did it all go wrong

why did i let you go

why did you leave me

leave me, with this hole in my chest that is burning me so badly that i cannot help but cry cry and cry that i have lost it all

i am sitting here in the cottage

the cottage where our bodies lay

Continue reading “Come back love”

Quench my thirst

I feel this burning sensation in my throat

it burns so bad that nothing seems to soothe it

and

i feel like i am loosing my voice

ah… ah…

i try to express myself but

i cannot

have i lost the purpose to live?

This

is the 3rd day

the 3rd day in this nasty dessert

i would not have come

i would not have come if i know the feeling

i thought i knew pain,

but here is a new found pain

this

is the 3rd day

the 3rd day without human contact

i have lost my voice

from screaming

screaming so hard that maybe

the birds by some magic can take my message to someone

something

some..

to s..a..v………..e me

i want to give up but i cannot

i mean i must not

a daughter of the forest is what the people in my village call me

ha!

daughter of the forest?

a daughter who has never killed a wild animals in the forest alone

or even know the smell of an angry forest

well i guess i know now

what was i even thinking?

coming alone to the land of the unknown

i should have listened

i should have paid attention to those scouts lessons maybe i could survive

make it out

without all these fear

oh that burning sensation again

this time it burns so much

i must lay down

i look up and the sun shined so bright

it was piecing into my eyes and

it was as if it was responsible for all the pain i felt

soon

i pass out

i pass out and moments later

i feel someone tap my shoulder

the sun shone so bright on their face that i could barely make out who it was

they held out a jar of water

and i gathered strength from nowhere and drank

oh the taste of that water was like no other

Image result for thirst gif

how could water be this tasty

i push the jar away

close my eyes and try to relish the feeling

oh then i thought

where are my manners

should i not be grateful to he/she who has given me life again

i open my eyes

and

Continue reading “Quench my thirst”

Death of soul

Why?

why?

are we so quick to give advice

why do we feel we know it all

why do we consider ourselves the messiah

we tell people

oh well

do this, do that

under the umbrella of

it is just my opinion

my God… is that not what the world calls

reverse psychology

push me into what i think is not so i think what it is

and i am there falling

sinking deep into the unknown

hey!

you there

Mr know it all

Mr know what is right

pinch yourself now

pinch yourself hard because you need to touch yourself

rather that touching other people in places

where you create scars

scars that leave wounds you can not heal

make your own wound

lick your own bruises

and only help others lick theirs

when you are sure that your tongue knows the feeling

the feeling of pain

now stop

think

why am i better

don’t look at me

Continue reading “Death of soul”